That Funky Monkey (Grass)

I have a love-hate relationship with monkeys. Let me explain.

Have any of you seen the Kristen Bell sloth video on Ellen? If you haven’t, it’s seriously worth watching.

I think I enjoyed it so much not only because Kristen and Ellen are fabulous, but also because I can relate. I had a similar experience a few summers ago when Trent surprised me and his family with a special photo shoot with a real life monkey during our vacation.

A REAL LIFE MONKEY.  All my life, I have had a small obsession with monkeys.  As a child, I had a special stuffed animal monkey named Moe that I put diapers on, dressed up and took everywhere with me.

I’m not sure Trent even knows this, but I seriously still have Moe in my closet and he will be coming with me to the new house. As I am typing, I am realizing how weird this is but whatever, I’m over it.

Here is me, Trent and the adorable Chimp with shorts on. Are you kidding me? They put shorts on him. Gahhhhh. Adorable.

Seconds after my new beloved friend was taken away from me at the photo shoot , I broke down in front of Trent’s family in tears. I’m sure they thought I had some serious issues – and I might.  All my life I have wanted to hold a monkey, and finally, Trent made my dreams come true. (Is it weird that some girls dream of weddings and love, and all I needed was a primate?) Like Kristen Bell said, I didn’t know how to cope with all these emotions and I literally began sobbing.

Fast forward a few years later and I’m encountering a whole new type of monkey. It is one I can still cry over, but not a happy, magical, dream-coming-true cry.

Lining our driveway and a few random spots in the backyard is this grass called Liriope, more commonly known as monkey grass. Seriously what is it? What is the point? What are we supposed to do with it? And why is it called monkey grass? There is nothing cute about it.

Ben, our contractor from B&G calls it the cockroach of grass.

My first encounter with monkey grass consisted of taking out a weedeater and literally buzzing it off. I did zero research and had no idea what I wanted it to look like – I just wanted it to go away.

 Our only goal currently is to simply cut it down so it at least looks cleaner.

 I did look online and saw a type of monkey grass that sprouts purple flowers. Pretty right? Well our grass is growing what I’m sure are toxic berries.  If I hadn’t seen Into the Wild, I am pretty positive I would eat, and then die from, these poison-berries.

Do you have any advice on out to get rid of this mess? Fill out the contact form below with any tips, tricks or tales of your monkey fights.

Side Note: I promise that I don’t carry Moe around like he is my love child. He just sits in my closet. Pinky swear. So please don’t call My Strange Addiction on TLC. Thanks.